Life. What is life? I don't normally overthink, but this topic calls for severe brain cell reduction. What do you think is life? For me, it's nothing. My life is so carefree and 'I-don't-care' -ish, which is why I want to know what it is that makes life so worthwhile. I could be materialistic like many teens and say, 'My MCR posters', 'my music', 'my parents' or 'my friends', but really, my life doesn't depend on those. Everyone could leave me and I'd still survive. MCR and music could vanish mysteriously and I'd still get by.
So what is it that makes life so worth living for me? Perhaps, for a mother, it could be her child. A businessman, his money. An author, his creativity. But what about me? What do I value the most? What is it that fuels my energy to make it through another day? Currently, society has painted an image of life for me:
I study to study, then to study some more, then to study, until you graduate, after which you go through a couple of heartbreaks until you find some husband who will most probably be working at the Integrated Resort, then pop out 2.5 babies for the government, take care of them, get a job, work from 8 to 5, scold your children and tell them to study hard lest they turn out like you, then grow old, get bratty, noisy grandchildren (and dentures), read the obituaries, tell said grandchildren to study hard or they'll end up like their parents, arrange a funeral for your husband, then die.
Presumably of cancer.
What kind of a life is that?
There has to be something out there for me, something that would make my life proud and worth retelling to future generations. Which is why I've roughly made a sketch of what I want my future to be like. It's not concrete, but think of this sketch as an outline for colouring. You can colour the picture any way you want, but you just have to keep in between the lines.
I'm going to graduate from university to please my parents, leave Singapore to travel around the world, date a couple of hot guys along the way, marry a totally sexy foreign guy, come back to Singapore to do random stuff like taking over magazines and writing decent articles, attend rock concerts and owning St. James, receive surgery for permanent birth control, then move to Arizona or Amsterdam with said hot husband, make a couple of friends, then die peacefully there.
That's life all right.
Something out of the norm, something that would make your old friends turn into the Green Hulk due to jealousy and anger and make them scrutinize their extremely boring, normal lives filled with annoying children who just refuse to shut up and a husband who most probably goes clubbing behind their backs.
I'm not a fan of tying knots, but I do need an accessory to show off to the world.
But then again, at my age, I still have years of studying to do, and even though there is currently nothing or no one I would be frantically trying to save if my house were to burn down, I know that the only reason why I'm not throwing myself in front of a car screaming in frustration is because, as empty and pointless as it seems, I value my life too much for that.
Which comes to the conclusion that at this point in time, my life IS my life.
And thus, that not only shows the beauty of being a young teenage girl, it shows the beauty of being an individual.
It shows the beauty of being me.
And that is my epiphany.
2 comments:
i'd like to see you pop up 2.5 babies. and you have a spelling error.
dear god Hanis. What has chem done to you!I have to say, i'm pretty impressed. and how yuo managed to get this all done without Miss Ho finding out. Awesome life by the way. Just hope your'e be able to live it. Lemme just say this one thing, life without you in it, would be the easiest, sanest, non spastic life. not to mention boring and mundane. I raise my hat off to you.
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